One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
