I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
