I wish I only lived at night.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
