Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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