Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
