he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
