The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
