Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
