That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
