Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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