apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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