I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
