Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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