I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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