can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
