it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
