I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
