Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
