I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she peed on how many people?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
