"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
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