I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
