How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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