Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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