So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
