I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
