I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
