How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
