things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
