he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
