I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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