question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
