I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Randomize
