I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Operation Purity has been aborted
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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