My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Is it penis luge time yet?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
