THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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