Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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