I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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