Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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