I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
