do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
