I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Randomize
