I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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