I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
