I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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