he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Pooping to opera.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
