Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Randomize
