the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
