Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
