4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I have post one night stand depression
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