why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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