Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
